The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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