I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
