I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
