Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
