I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
