what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
