I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
