the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
