I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
