Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
