my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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