No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
