He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
