So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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