All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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