someone threw a dead crab at me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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