My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
