By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize