I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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