sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
