Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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