Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
