I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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