Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
