Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
