I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
