I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
