When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
