i dedicated my morning wood to you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
