Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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