Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
