My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
