Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
