if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
