Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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