God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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