Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
