Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
