rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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