Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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