Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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