The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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