After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
