last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
