i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We have started to decorate penises.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
