3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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