I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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