youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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