she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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