that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
