So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
