yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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