I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
