I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
