i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
