my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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