You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
