She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize