we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize