elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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