her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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