the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
