I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i now understand why vodka
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize