I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
