i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
