I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
