Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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