So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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