I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
