R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
